Is it Really Too Much?

A few weekends ago, I hosted the 4th meeting of my local meetup group Confident Women Move Mountains. Each meeting I’ve had a different group of ladies attend and each time it’s been magickal in a way that gives me a beautiful boost to plan the next one.

I’ll admit, it feels like a lot to have taken on running a physical in person group while running multiple online groups and making my businesses work and grow as well. But this year, especially towards the end of it - I have been working a lot with the idea of expanding instead of shrinking. It’s very easy to shrink - it’s very easy to say that you can’t do one more thing - that the one more thing will surely break you.

But I challenge you to really think about that. Is that absolutely true? We know that my favorite thing is to look for the evidence for yay or nay. Is it really true that one more thing will break you. I mean it *could* break you, but is it a definite that it will? When we are honest with ourselves we can admit that it won’t. What’s more at play here is some hidden choice that we are making to *need* to break. Maybe it’s that we actually *need* a break. Maybe we need a pause and we haven’t been investing in our selfcare and so we need a crisis moment to get us there.

Maybe we need to feel like someone cares and so being the victim of our ambitions, goals, dreams and accepted responsibilities is a way that we’ve learned we can get care from others.

It’s so interesting what comes up when we let ourselves step past the thoughts that we usually let ourselves end with.

What’s past your habitual thoughts of overwhelm? Of victimhood? Of things never working out?

Trust me siStar, I’ve done and am always in the process of doing the same deep dive. I know wonderful life altering change is on the other side of that. I’m sure you know it to.

It just requires some courage to shepherd yourself to the other side.

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If you are looking for support in this unveiling of your limitations, I invite you to join me in these two spaces.

****Local siStars can meetup physically at least once every two months for empowerment, deep diving into our truths and fellowship. Click here for more info: Confident Women MOVE Mountains

****Online siStars let’s meet up virtually in I Thrive: Healing for Women Overcoming Depression and Anxiety.

I will see you there <3!

Mindset Magic!

Recovery is going really well :). I've been doing the requisite resting and relaxing. I've been catching up on my book and movie lists. I've been thinking and feeling and allowing. It's been so nice :).

So about the surgery, there ended up being 19 fibroids to remove. We (me and my doctor) opted for the same surgery, a c-section cut down my stomach between my belly button and nether regions. Thankfully they just reopened the previous cut so that my tummy wouldn't have an anchor etched into it :). 

This time around it was more painful that I remember and for the first time, I really wondered if I could handle another surgery like this - because there will hopefully be at least one more surgery like this in my life when I have my beautiful baby via c-section. (See how I'm putting my hopes into a visualized future :)). It was *that* painful. 

Thankfully, it has subsided substantially and I'm finding myself able to stretch out the time between pain pill doses :). Baby steps. Next week I think I'll even venture a walk through the neighborhood :). 

Thinking about my fibroids and how quickly they are growing gets me thinking about what causes them. On a physical level there are a few theories, but no one really knows the true answer. On an emotional level though, I think the conclusions that some people have come to hold a lot of merit. The most common reason I see stated for fibroids is that they hold stress, pent up emotions, unexpressed creativity, and unbirthed ideas. These non-cancerous tumors form to contain all of these things until you are ready to release or express them. 

When I think about what that could mean for me, it makes so much sense that it's almost comical. Let me explain. Going back to 4 years ago when my fibroids were first diagnosed, I lived in a sea of stress and had been like that for years. I'd been working so hard and so diligently on my goals that I'd become stagnant. The stress of succeeding and of making my current ideas at the time work was sometimes overwhelming - but I carried it. I soldiered on and I continued to 'fight the fight' to get where I wanted to be. And I definitely wouldn't let myself move forward on new ideas - I had to make the old ideas work. 

So it makes sense that my body would ball all of the tension and unexpressed energy in some way to try to protect the rest of me from it. What I mean is that a fibroid can be removed. Cancer for instance is a lot more difficult to remove. 

Fast forward to now and I can see again how I'm upleveling to an even lighter space of being. And it fits my current life goals and the stirrings I've been feeling in my soul. I know that I want a baby in my immediate future. I know that I want to live even more freely and creatively. I know that I want my new ideas and urgings to be expressed and nurtured and nourished.

It makes sense then that these last bits of stagnation, frustration, and old ways have positioned themselves to be removed. Interestingly, most of my fibroids were small. In there smallness though, they were still enough to keep an egg from implanting and cause excruciating pain every month. They were enough to get my attention and make me reach out to my doctor and press to find out what was going on. These little blocks were enough to need to be removed. 

And now they have been. And I don't plan to squander this beautiful gift.

I'm planning to give myself the time of day I need. I'm planning to be inspired and in wonderment everyday. I plan to make time to make myself smile and feel peaceful, at one, and in sync in whatever form and however many ways that takes.

I plan to move intentionally and to always remind myself that this moment is the most important thing. :). 

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I'm planning some great content for you that I'll be sending to my email tribe very soon. I'd love for you to receive it. If you are in need of some balance and some inspiration, join us :).