Why Being a Go-Getter Will Get you NOWHERE

If you want something you have to make it happen right? You see what you want and you go after it. That’s how it’s done. Hustle, strive, grind hard. Right? WRONG.

Hi, My name is Leah and I am a recovering Make it Happen girl :-).

That in fact used to be my motto. If I wanted something, I would go after it. I wholeheartedly believed that this was the only way you got what you wanted.

And I’d love to be able to say that this way got me everything I wanted. And I can say that it got me some things for sure. But what I can also say is that this way is definitely the hard way. And so I want to pose a question to you. Why are you making yourself do it the hard way?

This is what I need you to understand. The Go-Getter, hustler chick within you - she is driving you like cattle. She is whipping your tired little back and scolding you for tripping in the dust and taking too long. She is not your friend. She is not going to celebrate when you get to where you thought you were supposed to be going. She’s going to just be driving you even harder to the next promised land.

Going after things in life from an external, cattle-prodding place isn’t sustainable. It doesn’t create happiness. It rarely even creates real success (and if on the off-chance it does, you can rarely access the joy of it anyway). What it does create is a subconscious loop of stress, strain and the need to do more and more and more. It keeps you constantly feeling like you aren’t doing it well enough (and might never be), which actually blocks you from getting what you really are after.

Now yes, people may praise you for your drive and tenacity and go-getter gungho-ness. I let this blind me too. Unfortunately, this is just fuel for the erroneous thought pattern. It encourages you to keep driving yourself, even though you’re actually really getting tired and approaching burnout and disappointment (again) fast..

And though you are afraid to admit this might be true, I’m going to go ahead and say it outloud - this way is just not going to get you there. Where you are really trying to go.

To get to where you really are trying to go, you have to get to the point where you actually don’t care. What I mean is that you have to get to where you know that there’s not one more thing you need to do to get there. *THAT* is the key to getting there. It’s really like those floodgates they talk about. It will pour in AND you won’t be doubting if you are worthy.

Basically, it has to come from the inside out.

When I indulge in things that have no external purpose or in them NOT for their external purpose, that is when I change. That is how I create evidence.
 

Recognize this now. The way you have been taught is not working. It is instead the very thing that is keeping you married to anxiety, sadness and disappointment.

It’s not that you can’t achieve the things you are after. It’s not that the superwoman you see yourself as is impossible. It’s that you can not approach becoming her from a deficit. When you are in the place of thinking you need to “do more” to become her, instead of just allowing her to rise from within you, you keep her outside of you, a little past arms-length, almost reachable but just out of touch.

Instead of more tensing, it requires more relaxing. It requires more settling in than striving out.

So here is a little thought experiment for you to begin exploring this idea for yourself.

I want you to get in touch with what a reframe of not having to do anything external to be worthy does for you. I want you to explore how that shifts you slightly and initiates a lightness and perhaps even an exhale.

What would it be like to not seek nor need anyone’s approval?

What would it be like to have the audacity to do something just because you wanted to, not because it would get you anywhere?

Do either of these feel odd to you? Uncomfortable? Purposeless? Stupid? How does it sit with you to know you are doing something for purely selfish reasons?

Does selfishness feel wrong? Does being self-involved and self-indulgent feel like a negative thing?

Now, consider for a moment that YOU are in fact the MVP of your life and so it’s actually expected that you get special treatment from yourself. You get to have all of the attention and energy focused on what you want. See what happens when you embody the role of the deserving celebrity. How would you treat the one that you admire and would actually bend over backwards for to make comfortable and happy?

Think you deserve that? I do :-).

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So as you might have guessed, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the self-discovery and potential changes for the better in your life. It’s all possible and with the right perspective shifts, you can get to where you want to be as the authentic superwoman that you actually are. I have many ways to support you and I’d be delighted to step in and walk with you on this path.  

Here are a few ways I can below:

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To keep this line of inquiry and inspiration top of mind, enroll in my free daily mentoring text club by texting Audaciouslife to 87365.

To engage in a community where we discuss these ideas and I am there to guide thought experiments and personal inquiries into how we are choosing to go after things in life, join my online community at Dancing on the Ashes. <--click on the words to join.  

And if you are ready to have some 1-on-1 time with me where we break through some of your own personal barriers and talk about your unique path to actually getting what you want, book a complimentary Discovery Call with me by clicking here.

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Bachata, Livestreaming and Clarity...

Hey siStar!

How has your week been? Mine has been filled with the ups and downs of life. I've had some very low points and thankfully some ecstatically high points and my week is ending settled somewhere nicely in between. Lots of gratitude for that :-).

I have a busy weekend ahead of myself also with judging and teaching in Memphis. I'm judging a bachata contest tonight and tomorrow I'm teaching a ladies styling workshop. And the most unique thing happening is that after my workshop, I'm going to have a little informal talk with the attendees about how dance can be a powerful form of self-empowerment for women. I always imply this and if you've been with me for a while, you probably already know that I feel this way. However I've never combined both my dance world and my personal development world in the same offering. 

It's what I've been wanting to do though. So when the universe dropped this opportunity for a workshop in my lap in a place where people already know me well, I knew I had to take the chance to move the vision forward just a bit. 

So I'm curiously hopeful and expecting of a really gratifying experience and I will of course report back about how it all goes. (And if you are wondering will I mention MOVE, of course I will! Sweatproof, natural makeup is absolutely empowering, especially for dancers.). 

Before I say adieu this week, I want to leave you with my latest livestream on my personal Facebook page. Yesterday eve I talked all about the new direction that I'm boldly headed in with my coaching work. It's what I've always been doing but just hadn't realized. Watch it here and let me know your thoughts in the comments. I would love to hear what you think about it! 

What I learned from Maxwell

Maxwell is hands down one of my favorite artists. Easily. I’ve been listening to this man for over 20 years and this past Thursday, I made that realization as I sat at his concert here in Little Rock. Just watching this amazingly charismatic man so comfortable in his own skin rock it out on stage was magickal.

It  made me think about all the reasons that I appreciate Maxwell so much - especially since I’ve been fortunate to see him in concert now twice :-D. My favorite crooner has some awesome life lessons for you if you pay attention ;-).

In reflecting, I believe the number one lesson he offers by example is this: Be comfortable in your own skin at all costs.

Happy Me at the concert!

Each time I’ve seen Maxwell, he has been his quirky, slightly goofy, dancing crazily but with abandonment self on stage. It’s like he is having the time of his life engaging with us and we just happen to be watching. Pay attention to that statement. He is FULLY engaged with the crowd - totally into them - but not at all concerned whether they are digging him or thinking he is a nutter butter. It’s like he is in his own little world that we are in too. It’s really an amazing thing to behold and be a part of.

I wonder if he learned this early on in his career after his first round of black college tours opening for the Fugees - or if he always had it. Taking you back a bit in my own history, I remember when he came through town during Howard’s Homecoming. People booed him right off the stage. I mean vehemently booed him. I think someone might have even thrown something. It was horrible (and embarrassing to me as a Howardite that we’d act that way!).

I wonder if experiencing something like that multiple times (sadly ours was not the only campus that booed him) created within him a resolve to enjoy who *he* was no matter what and at all costs.

I ask this because Maxwell has not changed. The same bubbly, quirky dude that was on stage back when I was 20 something is the same one that was on stage this past week - just happy to be himself, happy to be doing something he loved, happy to be in that moment with us. Yes, his look has changed (as mine has from the hippy, witchy granola, engineering/viola-playing, hip-hop flowerchild that I was in my early 20s) as he’s grown up and evolved, but his essential essence is very much the same. And that my friends, I can only imagine is no small feat in his industry.

So that, in addition to the pure awesomeness of Maxwell in concert, is what I took away from my experience last Thursday.

The gist is this: You are going to have haters and naysayers. You might have some people that try to push you right out the door with shame and ridicule for what you are trying to do and who you even are at your very core.

The bottom line is that you can’t let it stop you dear. Yes, you can rest. You can recoup. You can even lament (I remember that there was a time when everything was angsty with Maxwell). But past that, you must keep it moving. Your world depends on it and what’s even more magickal is that *THE* world depends on it.

Just like Maxwell inviting us into his world but not being too concerned about whether we liked it or not created this wonderful over 20-year career of his, welcoming others into your world by being unapologetically yourself BUT not really giving too many cares about what someone thinks about it - that’s the difference maker between 20 years of continued, growing awesomeness...and 20 years of misery- pointe blanke. And 20 years of you living in your awesomeness instead of your misery - imagine what kind of ripple effect that would have on the world?

Which one are you going to choose?

Maxwell Concert, Little Rock, Ar

Self-Care All Day

Have you ever had a day where the most you wanted to do was stare into space? Maybe a few other things but mostly just that. Just retreat and relax. I’m here to tell you to take it. Go ahead and take that time. Go ahead and honor yourself and your innate intuition. It’s there for a reason ;-).

I’m in a space like that right now. All I’ve wanted to do for the majority of the day is nada. I’ve wanted to ebb and flow with whatever suited my fancy. Nap if need be. Read if so inspired. Write if I feel like it. Or just do nothing at all. Not even on purpose thinking.

I’ve been semi successful :). What it’s showing me though is how much I need to honor my own mind and tune into my own requirements.

And not feel bad about that. There is the key – not feel bad about it.

It’s so easy to feel bad about what you need and in turn not get/give yourself what you need. And where does that get you? Pooped, on edge, ready to scream at your cell phone for not cutting on when I PUSH THE POWER BUTTON! Oh, oh my bad :D. See that was me today when I went out to do my only to-do on my list for today. Even that small commitment outside of myself set me on edge and made me have to count to 10 to not bash my lovely phone into the steering wheel :).

Now I don’t tell you this for you to start worrying about my sanity or potential violent streaks, lol. No, I’m sharing this to show you how important today was for me and how even though I did ease off of my to-do list on purpose for the day, when I pushed myself instead of giving in to the entire day, I quickly realized I wasn’t all the way renewed – even though I felt like “ok Leah, you’ve had enough time.” The reality is that I didn’t. And that I needed more time. And that that was ok.

So if you find yourself having a day like I did today…make yourself the most important thing. And don’t feel bad about that. A coach/friend of mine gave me a mantra a few days ago “I serve. I deserve.” I KNOW you all serve. No doubt about it. Remind yourself that you deserve too ;-).

P.S. Here's a little on purpose self-care you can indulge in today. Passion flower tea is a 'wonderherb' for stress and anxiety. It's known to calm the nerves and even help you sleep better. The beautiful thing is that you can now easily find it at your grocery store in a number of calming tea blends by well known  brands. I will almost always encourage you to use Traditional Medicinals brand if you are not buying loose herbs and this case is no different. Traiditional Medicinals has a blend called Cup of Calm that features a good helping of Passion Flower. Treat yourself to a cup or two :-).  

Can you explain the hold Beyonce has on the world?

By I_Am..._Tour_11.jpg: idrewukderivative work: Lucas Secret - This file was derived from:  I Am... Tour 11.jpg, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20657330

Hey lovely ones :). Hope it's been a blessed week so far. So I'm sure you've seen all of the buzz around Beyonce' over these past few days right? How could you miss it? Everyone in the world, literally, is in love with her all over again - doe-eyed and mouth gaping in awe of her awesomeness! I'm not hating, I'm just stating :-D. 

What *is it* about this lady?? I have to admit, I'm not really a Beyonce' fanatic. I do appreciate a lot of her songs and they do get my "rah rah" going when I need to be pumped up. They make me want to pop my head back, signify and silently but fiercely walk off the set, lol. (mind you, there is no set :-P).  

And when I saw the video for FORMATION, her newest song, I have to admit again, it sold me. I promptly messaged my sister (who is a little force to be reckoned with herself) and reminded her that just like Beyonce' works hard, see what's she wants and grinds til she gets it (paraphrasing from the song), she can do that same thing. And be just as fierce in the process.

But what is it about Beyonce's fierceness that is so compelling, so attractive. I had to really think about this, because again, I'm not a Beyonce' fanatic. I even kind of roll my eyes and think "seriously??" when I see Beyonce' addicts singing her praises as though she is the second coming...seriously, they do :-P. 

But then it hit me, I think the reason is because she embodies the epitome of self love and even self care.  Stay with me here...

How so?

Let's think about self-love...

She is unapologetically herself. Her image says I AM the boss chick. I GET to make the decisions. I am SO worthy and shame on you if you don't see that.  She talks in almost every song about how awesome she is and not just because of some one dimensional reason, but because she chooses to be. She's done the work to own it and she's given herself PERMISSION to be bad ass period. And she has no problem nurturing and indulging herself in her bad ass-ness. She has no problem claiming her awesomeness and whatever she thinks should come with that. What's more, she has no problem (her image persona at least) with what any other person thinks about it. 

And self care?

Every video you see, Beyonce' is encased in beauty, surrounded by luxury and extravagance. From her outfits to her choice of sets, you always get the sense that she is a queen and that as a queen, she will always demand the best for herself and demand it in whatever form she deems relevant and worthy at the time. That is serious self-care. 

I mean you just can't deny these facts right? 

I think THIS is the reason that so many are in awe of her. Her image touches a core in all of us, that place that knows the secret that we deserve the absolute best. That we deserve a Beyonce' Class life too. 

I think that many live vicariously through her, even subconsciously, because they are afraid to live the way Beyonce' lives - claiming your worth anywhere and everywhere for everyone to see ;-).  Instead, it's much easier to dream and fantasize about someone else's life that you idolize in the process. 

It's so good to see this right? We here are the ones that want our own Beyonce' class life or as one of my mentor's says "our own First Class Life"!  It's good to notice what it is in another that we appreciate and then look for that same thing in ourselves (and create it if it's not there ;-)). 

So, as for me, I'm grateful for Beyonce' and I can finally feel ok with that lol. She gets me fired up and reminds me that I have my own First Class, World Class life to get to living.  If I were you, I'd let her be that for me too ;-).