Why Being a Go-Getter Will Get you NOWHERE

If you want something you have to make it happen right? You see what you want and you go after it. That’s how it’s done. Hustle, strive, grind hard. Right? WRONG.

Hi, My name is Leah and I am a recovering Make it Happen girl :-).

That in fact used to be my motto. If I wanted something, I would go after it. I wholeheartedly believed that this was the only way you got what you wanted.

And I’d love to be able to say that this way got me everything I wanted. And I can say that it got me some things for sure. But what I can also say is that this way is definitely the hard way. And so I want to pose a question to you. Why are you making yourself do it the hard way?

This is what I need you to understand. The Go-Getter, hustler chick within you - she is driving you like cattle. She is whipping your tired little back and scolding you for tripping in the dust and taking too long. She is not your friend. She is not going to celebrate when you get to where you thought you were supposed to be going. She’s going to just be driving you even harder to the next promised land.

Going after things in life from an external, cattle-prodding place isn’t sustainable. It doesn’t create happiness. It rarely even creates real success (and if on the off-chance it does, you can rarely access the joy of it anyway). What it does create is a subconscious loop of stress, strain and the need to do more and more and more. It keeps you constantly feeling like you aren’t doing it well enough (and might never be), which actually blocks you from getting what you really are after.

Now yes, people may praise you for your drive and tenacity and go-getter gungho-ness. I let this blind me too. Unfortunately, this is just fuel for the erroneous thought pattern. It encourages you to keep driving yourself, even though you’re actually really getting tired and approaching burnout and disappointment (again) fast..

And though you are afraid to admit this might be true, I’m going to go ahead and say it outloud - this way is just not going to get you there. Where you are really trying to go.

To get to where you really are trying to go, you have to get to the point where you actually don’t care. What I mean is that you have to get to where you know that there’s not one more thing you need to do to get there. *THAT* is the key to getting there. It’s really like those floodgates they talk about. It will pour in AND you won’t be doubting if you are worthy.

Basically, it has to come from the inside out.

When I indulge in things that have no external purpose or in them NOT for their external purpose, that is when I change. That is how I create evidence.
 

Recognize this now. The way you have been taught is not working. It is instead the very thing that is keeping you married to anxiety, sadness and disappointment.

It’s not that you can’t achieve the things you are after. It’s not that the superwoman you see yourself as is impossible. It’s that you can not approach becoming her from a deficit. When you are in the place of thinking you need to “do more” to become her, instead of just allowing her to rise from within you, you keep her outside of you, a little past arms-length, almost reachable but just out of touch.

Instead of more tensing, it requires more relaxing. It requires more settling in than striving out.

So here is a little thought experiment for you to begin exploring this idea for yourself.

I want you to get in touch with what a reframe of not having to do anything external to be worthy does for you. I want you to explore how that shifts you slightly and initiates a lightness and perhaps even an exhale.

What would it be like to not seek nor need anyone’s approval?

What would it be like to have the audacity to do something just because you wanted to, not because it would get you anywhere?

Do either of these feel odd to you? Uncomfortable? Purposeless? Stupid? How does it sit with you to know you are doing something for purely selfish reasons?

Does selfishness feel wrong? Does being self-involved and self-indulgent feel like a negative thing?

Now, consider for a moment that YOU are in fact the MVP of your life and so it’s actually expected that you get special treatment from yourself. You get to have all of the attention and energy focused on what you want. See what happens when you embody the role of the deserving celebrity. How would you treat the one that you admire and would actually bend over backwards for to make comfortable and happy?

Think you deserve that? I do :-).

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So as you might have guessed, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the self-discovery and potential changes for the better in your life. It’s all possible and with the right perspective shifts, you can get to where you want to be as the authentic superwoman that you actually are. I have many ways to support you and I’d be delighted to step in and walk with you on this path.  

Here are a few ways I can below:

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To keep this line of inquiry and inspiration top of mind, enroll in my free daily mentoring text club by texting Audaciouslife to 87365.

To engage in a community where we discuss these ideas and I am there to guide thought experiments and personal inquiries into how we are choosing to go after things in life, join my online community at Dancing on the Ashes. <--click on the words to join.  

And if you are ready to have some 1-on-1 time with me where we break through some of your own personal barriers and talk about your unique path to actually getting what you want, book a complimentary Discovery Call with me by clicking here.

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Inner/Outer Beauty Activation Package

A few days ago I was hit with some wonderful inspiration around creating an offering that would provide a solid foundation for activating both inner and outer beauty. You know I'm all about how we want to match up our outer enhancements with a beautiful inner self that shines through no matter what!

SO my inspiration has resulted in the Inner/Outer Beauty Activation Package!

It's 3-fold. This is what I will do for you:

Firstly, I want you to know what is blocking your ability to shine confidently. What's holding you back from stepping fully into what you are being drawn to? What hidden doubts, secrets, worries and fears lie right beneath the surface waiting to be seen and resolved? I will do an intuitive tarot reading for you shining the light on these things so that you can finally take the steps forward that you've been wanting to for so long.

This reading will be the basis for what comes next. What comes next is the assembly of your special MOVE Makeup Inner to Outer Beauty makeup set. You'll receive your confidence building basics - full-size foundation, concealer, and veil. More importantly though, you'll receive a specially customized eyeshadow set designed to address the blocks that came up in your reading. If you haven't read my article about how eyeshadow can be used for empowerment, go do that now (http://www.bestkeptself.com/whats-your-color-eyeshadows-for-empowerment/).

Lastly, you'll receive an essential oil blend that I customize just for you to enhance and anchor in your reading and to inspire within you new courage to shine confidently.

The investment for all of this is $97.

I'm excited about this. I'm excited to see who takes me up on this offer and truly if *anyone* takes me up on this offer. I'm excited to see how the inspiration to create this package leads me to the next thing for me.

I have no idea if I will offer this again. I have no idea how many of these I will actually accept doing. I don't have a fancy page created for this offering or even a listing in my store or jazzed up picture (I'm working on that though ;-)). I've just felt inspired to do it and this is how that inspiration is manifesting <3.

Thank you sistar for your awesomeness! If I can serve you with this, message me (on mobile you might have to copy and paste info@leahpatterson.com) and we will get started!

What I learned from Maxwell

Maxwell is hands down one of my favorite artists. Easily. I’ve been listening to this man for over 20 years and this past Thursday, I made that realization as I sat at his concert here in Little Rock. Just watching this amazingly charismatic man so comfortable in his own skin rock it out on stage was magickal.

It  made me think about all the reasons that I appreciate Maxwell so much - especially since I’ve been fortunate to see him in concert now twice :-D. My favorite crooner has some awesome life lessons for you if you pay attention ;-).

In reflecting, I believe the number one lesson he offers by example is this: Be comfortable in your own skin at all costs.

Happy Me at the concert!

Each time I’ve seen Maxwell, he has been his quirky, slightly goofy, dancing crazily but with abandonment self on stage. It’s like he is having the time of his life engaging with us and we just happen to be watching. Pay attention to that statement. He is FULLY engaged with the crowd - totally into them - but not at all concerned whether they are digging him or thinking he is a nutter butter. It’s like he is in his own little world that we are in too. It’s really an amazing thing to behold and be a part of.

I wonder if he learned this early on in his career after his first round of black college tours opening for the Fugees - or if he always had it. Taking you back a bit in my own history, I remember when he came through town during Howard’s Homecoming. People booed him right off the stage. I mean vehemently booed him. I think someone might have even thrown something. It was horrible (and embarrassing to me as a Howardite that we’d act that way!).

I wonder if experiencing something like that multiple times (sadly ours was not the only campus that booed him) created within him a resolve to enjoy who *he* was no matter what and at all costs.

I ask this because Maxwell has not changed. The same bubbly, quirky dude that was on stage back when I was 20 something is the same one that was on stage this past week - just happy to be himself, happy to be doing something he loved, happy to be in that moment with us. Yes, his look has changed (as mine has from the hippy, witchy granola, engineering/viola-playing, hip-hop flowerchild that I was in my early 20s) as he’s grown up and evolved, but his essential essence is very much the same. And that my friends, I can only imagine is no small feat in his industry.

So that, in addition to the pure awesomeness of Maxwell in concert, is what I took away from my experience last Thursday.

The gist is this: You are going to have haters and naysayers. You might have some people that try to push you right out the door with shame and ridicule for what you are trying to do and who you even are at your very core.

The bottom line is that you can’t let it stop you dear. Yes, you can rest. You can recoup. You can even lament (I remember that there was a time when everything was angsty with Maxwell). But past that, you must keep it moving. Your world depends on it and what’s even more magickal is that *THE* world depends on it.

Just like Maxwell inviting us into his world but not being too concerned about whether we liked it or not created this wonderful over 20-year career of his, welcoming others into your world by being unapologetically yourself BUT not really giving too many cares about what someone thinks about it - that’s the difference maker between 20 years of continued, growing awesomeness...and 20 years of misery- pointe blanke. And 20 years of you living in your awesomeness instead of your misery - imagine what kind of ripple effect that would have on the world?

Which one are you going to choose?

Maxwell Concert, Little Rock, Ar

Self-Care All Day

Have you ever had a day where the most you wanted to do was stare into space? Maybe a few other things but mostly just that. Just retreat and relax. I’m here to tell you to take it. Go ahead and take that time. Go ahead and honor yourself and your innate intuition. It’s there for a reason ;-).

I’m in a space like that right now. All I’ve wanted to do for the majority of the day is nada. I’ve wanted to ebb and flow with whatever suited my fancy. Nap if need be. Read if so inspired. Write if I feel like it. Or just do nothing at all. Not even on purpose thinking.

I’ve been semi successful :). What it’s showing me though is how much I need to honor my own mind and tune into my own requirements.

And not feel bad about that. There is the key – not feel bad about it.

It’s so easy to feel bad about what you need and in turn not get/give yourself what you need. And where does that get you? Pooped, on edge, ready to scream at your cell phone for not cutting on when I PUSH THE POWER BUTTON! Oh, oh my bad :D. See that was me today when I went out to do my only to-do on my list for today. Even that small commitment outside of myself set me on edge and made me have to count to 10 to not bash my lovely phone into the steering wheel :).

Now I don’t tell you this for you to start worrying about my sanity or potential violent streaks, lol. No, I’m sharing this to show you how important today was for me and how even though I did ease off of my to-do list on purpose for the day, when I pushed myself instead of giving in to the entire day, I quickly realized I wasn’t all the way renewed – even though I felt like “ok Leah, you’ve had enough time.” The reality is that I didn’t. And that I needed more time. And that that was ok.

So if you find yourself having a day like I did today…make yourself the most important thing. And don’t feel bad about that. A coach/friend of mine gave me a mantra a few days ago “I serve. I deserve.” I KNOW you all serve. No doubt about it. Remind yourself that you deserve too ;-).

P.S. Here's a little on purpose self-care you can indulge in today. Passion flower tea is a 'wonderherb' for stress and anxiety. It's known to calm the nerves and even help you sleep better. The beautiful thing is that you can now easily find it at your grocery store in a number of calming tea blends by well known  brands. I will almost always encourage you to use Traditional Medicinals brand if you are not buying loose herbs and this case is no different. Traiditional Medicinals has a blend called Cup of Calm that features a good helping of Passion Flower. Treat yourself to a cup or two :-).  

Can you explain the hold Beyonce has on the world?

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Hey lovely ones :). Hope it's been a blessed week so far. So I'm sure you've seen all of the buzz around Beyonce' over these past few days right? How could you miss it? Everyone in the world, literally, is in love with her all over again - doe-eyed and mouth gaping in awe of her awesomeness! I'm not hating, I'm just stating :-D. 

What *is it* about this lady?? I have to admit, I'm not really a Beyonce' fanatic. I do appreciate a lot of her songs and they do get my "rah rah" going when I need to be pumped up. They make me want to pop my head back, signify and silently but fiercely walk off the set, lol. (mind you, there is no set :-P).  

And when I saw the video for FORMATION, her newest song, I have to admit again, it sold me. I promptly messaged my sister (who is a little force to be reckoned with herself) and reminded her that just like Beyonce' works hard, see what's she wants and grinds til she gets it (paraphrasing from the song), she can do that same thing. And be just as fierce in the process.

But what is it about Beyonce's fierceness that is so compelling, so attractive. I had to really think about this, because again, I'm not a Beyonce' fanatic. I even kind of roll my eyes and think "seriously??" when I see Beyonce' addicts singing her praises as though she is the second coming...seriously, they do :-P. 

But then it hit me, I think the reason is because she embodies the epitome of self love and even self care.  Stay with me here...

How so?

Let's think about self-love...

She is unapologetically herself. Her image says I AM the boss chick. I GET to make the decisions. I am SO worthy and shame on you if you don't see that.  She talks in almost every song about how awesome she is and not just because of some one dimensional reason, but because she chooses to be. She's done the work to own it and she's given herself PERMISSION to be bad ass period. And she has no problem nurturing and indulging herself in her bad ass-ness. She has no problem claiming her awesomeness and whatever she thinks should come with that. What's more, she has no problem (her image persona at least) with what any other person thinks about it. 

And self care?

Every video you see, Beyonce' is encased in beauty, surrounded by luxury and extravagance. From her outfits to her choice of sets, you always get the sense that she is a queen and that as a queen, she will always demand the best for herself and demand it in whatever form she deems relevant and worthy at the time. That is serious self-care. 

I mean you just can't deny these facts right? 

I think THIS is the reason that so many are in awe of her. Her image touches a core in all of us, that place that knows the secret that we deserve the absolute best. That we deserve a Beyonce' Class life too. 

I think that many live vicariously through her, even subconsciously, because they are afraid to live the way Beyonce' lives - claiming your worth anywhere and everywhere for everyone to see ;-).  Instead, it's much easier to dream and fantasize about someone else's life that you idolize in the process. 

It's so good to see this right? We here are the ones that want our own Beyonce' class life or as one of my mentor's says "our own First Class Life"!  It's good to notice what it is in another that we appreciate and then look for that same thing in ourselves (and create it if it's not there ;-)). 

So, as for me, I'm grateful for Beyonce' and I can finally feel ok with that lol. She gets me fired up and reminds me that I have my own First Class, World Class life to get to living.  If I were you, I'd let her be that for me too ;-). 

Self Love, Self Sabotage, Cinnamon, and Nutmeg

Do you ever have that feeling that things are starting to flow. Kind of like you’ve stepped into the river and for once, you are swimming with the tide instead of against it. And it’s Flowing, like a warm caress carrying you along. You’re not even exerting a lot of energy per say, mostly just gloating along in the ebb and flow of the currents warm embrace. And as you go along, you take in more beauty, more fortunate sights, more one of a kind moments, all the while moving forward with intention (for the river is taking you somewhere).

Do you have a good picture? It feels peaceful doesn’t it. Even joy filled right? Well sheesh, that’s how life has been feeling lately. Like things are coming together. Ebbs and flows and all in my favor, some giving me the gumption to go go go, others giving me the cue to take a step back, get my mind right, evaluate, and open my eyes to the next fortunate occurrence.

But I realize that there is a fear cropping up – a fear that some other figurative shoe is going to drop. That something out of my control will happen and smack, dab, bomb – back to the setbacks I’d gotten used to. Back to the complacent thoughts about certains things just not ever changing.

Does that happen to you ever?  You know what it can cause?

Self sabotage.

Yep, that uncanny ability to shoot your own foot in the effort to shoot the villain that you can’t see.  Self sabotage makes you do silly things that the unafraid you would never do. Self sabotage makes you doubt every single action until you’re crippled into no action. Self sabotage takes your sense of control and scatters it all over the place into tiny little pieces that now only resemble franticness.

That’s why self-love and ACTIVE practices of self appreciation are so valuable to me. That’s why this space even exists.

Lip service has never really been strong enough to combat self-sabotage. Thinking good thoughts sometimes just doesn’t cut it. Self sabotage is active even in its ability to shut down activity. We’ve got to be just as active to counter it.  

So I’d like to challenge you to think of all the things I suggest here for you as acts of self love and appreciation. Carve out time for them so that over time, you’ll have a memory file of how much you mean to you. And how much You are in control of you. And how much your active energy devoted to you has made an impact and a difference. Because it will – trust me. Do this and look back even 3 months from now. You will be different and better for it ;-).

And how does this relate to the fear of the other shoe dropping above?

Because it will show you how much is within your control. And it will show you that YOU are the important piece. Not the elusive “what if”. It will show you that YOU being an active participant is what was really moving that river’s current along all that time ;).

Today’s Mini LOVE Fest :-)

Christmas-y sweet mask anyone? How about with nutmeg, cinnamon, and honey?

Alrighty so Nutmeg and Cinnamon invariably remind me of Christmas – those smells drum up images of warm fireplaces, cozy oversized sweaters, hot tea and cocoa and a healthy cup of spiced eggnog :).

Cinnamon and Nutmeg - YUM!

So it’s a perfect time to realize some other ways to experience these lovely spices! Nutmeg and Cinnamon make excellent components of an acne scar healing mask. This mask is super simple to make and can be stored in your refrigerator for about a week or so. I would use it once a week at least and give it a month’s time to work its magic. Remember, skin cells take about 28 days to turn over, so that month is important! Curb your impatience dears ;-).

Why this mask is as awesome as it is simple:

1.       Cinnamon is a natural anti-microbial agent. It’s been used for centuries to fight viruses and bacteria. It also contains powerful antioxidants that help keep healthy skin cells from breaking down prematurely.   

2.       Nutmeg is also a natural anti-microbial agent as well as an anti-inflammatory. It has been used to heal many skin diseases and helps to reduce acne scarring and clear up infections and redness. It contains a number of vitamins that your skin needs for optimal health also.  

3.       Honey is a natural moisturizer that also has powerful anti-bacterial properties. It helps to heal current breakouts faster and also reduces the occurrence of more breakouts.

As an extra benefit, you can also add lemon juice to this mask. It will give an extra dose of anti-microbial activity and also will serve as a natural astringent to brighten the complexion, balance pH, and tighten pores. It also contains tons of vitamin C, a necessary component to building collagen in the skin.

This is one of those mask that you don’t have to worry about using exact measurements. Below is a good rule of thumb.

Cinnamon, Nutmeg & Honey Mask

½ tsp cinnamon

½ tsp nutmeg

1 tsp honey

1-2 tsp lemon juice

Mix all of these together in a small glass bowl (glass is best if you are planning to store it).  Apply for 10 to 15 minutes and then rinse with warm water. Your skin should be glowing almost immediately :-)!

I encourage you to spend those 10 to 15 minutes of mask time meditating, reading something soul-nurturing, or painting your nails (my go to "love me" quick activity :-)). Just something to reaffirm that You are in control of YOUR time and that YOU are important enough to spend it on YOU ;-). 

Enjoy!