Mindset Magic!

Recovery is going really well :). I've been doing the requisite resting and relaxing. I've been catching up on my book and movie lists. I've been thinking and feeling and allowing. It's been so nice :).

So about the surgery, there ended up being 19 fibroids to remove. We (me and my doctor) opted for the same surgery, a c-section cut down my stomach between my belly button and nether regions. Thankfully they just reopened the previous cut so that my tummy wouldn't have an anchor etched into it :). 

This time around it was more painful that I remember and for the first time, I really wondered if I could handle another surgery like this - because there will hopefully be at least one more surgery like this in my life when I have my beautiful baby via c-section. (See how I'm putting my hopes into a visualized future :)). It was *that* painful. 

Thankfully, it has subsided substantially and I'm finding myself able to stretch out the time between pain pill doses :). Baby steps. Next week I think I'll even venture a walk through the neighborhood :). 

Thinking about my fibroids and how quickly they are growing gets me thinking about what causes them. On a physical level there are a few theories, but no one really knows the true answer. On an emotional level though, I think the conclusions that some people have come to hold a lot of merit. The most common reason I see stated for fibroids is that they hold stress, pent up emotions, unexpressed creativity, and unbirthed ideas. These non-cancerous tumors form to contain all of these things until you are ready to release or express them. 

When I think about what that could mean for me, it makes so much sense that it's almost comical. Let me explain. Going back to 4 years ago when my fibroids were first diagnosed, I lived in a sea of stress and had been like that for years. I'd been working so hard and so diligently on my goals that I'd become stagnant. The stress of succeeding and of making my current ideas at the time work was sometimes overwhelming - but I carried it. I soldiered on and I continued to 'fight the fight' to get where I wanted to be. And I definitely wouldn't let myself move forward on new ideas - I had to make the old ideas work. 

So it makes sense that my body would ball all of the tension and unexpressed energy in some way to try to protect the rest of me from it. What I mean is that a fibroid can be removed. Cancer for instance is a lot more difficult to remove. 

Fast forward to now and I can see again how I'm upleveling to an even lighter space of being. And it fits my current life goals and the stirrings I've been feeling in my soul. I know that I want a baby in my immediate future. I know that I want to live even more freely and creatively. I know that I want my new ideas and urgings to be expressed and nurtured and nourished.

It makes sense then that these last bits of stagnation, frustration, and old ways have positioned themselves to be removed. Interestingly, most of my fibroids were small. In there smallness though, they were still enough to keep an egg from implanting and cause excruciating pain every month. They were enough to get my attention and make me reach out to my doctor and press to find out what was going on. These little blocks were enough to need to be removed. 

And now they have been. And I don't plan to squander this beautiful gift.

I'm planning to give myself the time of day I need. I'm planning to be inspired and in wonderment everyday. I plan to make time to make myself smile and feel peaceful, at one, and in sync in whatever form and however many ways that takes.

I plan to move intentionally and to always remind myself that this moment is the most important thing. :). 

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I'm planning some great content for you that I'll be sending to my email tribe very soon. I'd love for you to receive it. If you are in need of some balance and some inspiration, join us :). 

June Brings Many Things!

Hello love!

Can you believe June is here! For once I am excited about where we are in the year. I'm feeling pretty joyful and even expectant of awesome things. That's a wonderful space to be in - very freeing and light. 

Now that doesn't mean that things are all peachy - quite the contrary. I've got some big things and big decisions and possibly major changes coming up in my near future. But instead of being afraid and stagnant, I am curious and open. I remember reading about approaching problems in this blissful way. I wondered if I'd be able to do it - if I'd be able to let the problems flow and to flow with them to their resolutions without pulling or pushing or dragging my feet; with no resistance and no attachment to the outcome but with a preference still in it all.

I can say yes now :). 

So probably the most important thing coming up is my surgery. On June 10th I go in for another myomectomy to remove more fibroids. This time I have 15 and my doctor feels that the best way to remove them is with an abdominal surgery as opposed to a laser surgery. So that means another c-section incision, this time probably across instead of down like my previous one, and 5 to 6 weeks of recovery. Yeah, that's going to be interesting :). 

The good thing is that this will be built in slow down time. Sure, getting it through recovery from surgery is not ideal but I am wise enough to not question the Universe (God). So I will be doing lots of reading for fun, crafting because it makes me happy to crochet pretty things, watching movies and Netflix series (Grace and Frankie anyone??), journaling and generally relaxing and healing. I will not lie and say I'm not looking forward to it. 

And in this time I'll be shifting too, shifting to do more of the work that lights me up and less of the work that drains me.  

In that spirit, I have decided to do one Facial Treats class on June 28th while I'm recovering and to do a handful of Holistic Skincare Consultations and Empowerment Readings in my last few weeks.

Yola had this to say about her Holistic Skincare consultation: 

You are amazing at what you do and what you do goes beyond wellness and beauty consultation; it allows people to be seen, heard, and know that they matter and all of this while educating them that beauty and wellness is rooted in nature and simple is powerful!!! 

And Tameka had this to say about her Empowerment Reading: 

"Leah's Empowerment Readings are Spot-On!" If you are interested in an empowerment reading, but not quite sure about it, count my testimonial as that last little nudge you need to go for it!
At worst, I thought I'd get a vague overview that could be applied to anyone's life. At best, I though Leah may touch on a few things that were relevant to me. My expectations were much more than exceeded. Not only was Leah 'spot-on' with things in my reading I'd never expressed to another soul, her detail and video delivery were also a pleasant surprise. She not only made sure I understood her process, but through her gift, I immediately understood how her reading applied to my life.
Leah will welcome you with her warmth, guide you with her wisdom, and empower you to be the highest form of your true self!

If you are curious about any of these and want to chat about it, reply back and we will before the 10th :). I do have a 4 spaces available for this next week also - if you want one of those, jump on my schedule and we'll go from there!

Thank you for being a light in my life!

Mind, Body, and Spirit for the Dancer - New Project!

It’s been a soul searching kind of month :). So many things have come up! I’ve had to deal with lots of disappointment and with the realization that some of my dreams weren’t really mine and really needed to die. And that process has been hard. It’s been a constant job to maintain my happiness and hopefulness. On all levels, mind body and spirit, I’ve been struggling to stay afloat. 

But through this tumultuous month, I’ve also realized great comeback moments. I’ve been reminded constantly of my value AND of how I shortchange myself. I’ve seen first hand how my own perspective clouds a situation and creates an entirely different false reality. I’ve had so many opportunities to practice my word for the year Courage. There have been so many ways, all in the space of 20 something short days, to put every aspect of my will and belief in myself to the test.  And when I have looked and have operated on faith and have trusted, help has been everywhere. And the whisper of intuition and the Universe has been in my ear, on my mind, and in the words of other people to me guiding me to the light that comes after the little deaths. 

I want to tell you about one of those conversations today. If you’ve been with me for a while, you probably know how important a holistic approach to life is for me. You might be familiar with my particular struggles with mental illness and you might also know that I believe taking care of your mind body and spirit is necessary for a happy, healthy soul that can overcome mental illness’s hold over one’s life. You also probably know how important being a dancer is to me - how vital to my life it is and how much I’ve worked and sacrificed for it. 

Well in my work that spans the worlds of mind, body, and spirit, I’ve often had difficulty figuring out how to bring my dance life into that work. It felt like there wasn’t a place for dance in my holistic beauty, health and wellness training. I felt like I just wasn’t sure how the two meshed. 

I toyed with the idea of creating a community of dancers that all cared about learning more on holistic beauty and wellness and for a time I did that - but kept feeling like it wasn’t gelling. And so I let that idea go for a time. 

Then a week or so ago, I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful kindred spirit who brought all of it back to me and showed me the way to do it. See, I used to have a non-profit organization years ago where I taught all about holistic living, natural health and wellness. My focus then was lower income communities because I felt like they were the ones getting left behind. What this kindred spirit helped me to see is that there are a lot more people being left behind and I, with my unique background, could serve one particular group very well.

 Dancers. Yes, I could serve dancers who inevitably deal with so many mind, body, and spirit issues.

I looked back on my time traveling and performing every other week and boom - I saw it all. Being rail thin and thinking I was as big as a house. Feeling inferior to other dancers for no reason other than skin tone or hair type or body type. Starving myself and being on the extreme side of strict to fit a certain aesthetic. Dealing with horrible skin breakouts from stage makeup and bad eating habits. Syking myself in and out before performances, auditions, and competitions. Asking God, the Universe, anyone what I was was supposed to be doing in this dance world and feeling lost and unanswered.  

So many things that I know other dancers deal with day to day. 

I realized that I have a unique voice that can speak to them and I realized just how much I would have benefited from a voice like that when I was in the thick of it. 

And so this is my new project. Am I am ecstatic about it. I’ll be perfectly honest. I don’t know how it’s going to unfold. I don’t know how I’m going to manage it with everything else. But I do know that some things that I thought were so important just aren’t anymore. I’m letting them fall away no matter how scary that is. I’m getting done with NOT looking forward to the things on my to do list. The old adage that life is too short and too precious is true no matter how you look at it. 

So the fact that the thought of this fills me up with excitement and a rush that I can’t explain in words is THE thing that drives me and is THE thing that is important. Feelings like this are what we live for. Feelings like this are what make everything else possible. They are the fuel for the impossible. 

I had to go through a lot of little deaths, disappointments, stark clear moments, and deep dark places to get to the light again. Getting to the fuel sometimes requires that, but if you let yourself flow through it all (that’s what I call operating on faith), I know you’ll find yours. 

Magnificent May...

Hey there love, 

Well May is well on it's way. It looks like it's shaping up to be a very busy month for me! What about you all? We stepped into this month with a very powerful New Moon just a few days ago that promises all kinds of goodness. I was reminded to look up my numerology a few weeks ago and found that I am currently in a 3 year in a 9 life. Kind of explains a lot lol. 

Looking at my shuistrological report also, May is supposed to be a freakin' fabulous month. Absolutely wonderful. 

But you know what. I'm not quite feeling that yet. To be honest, it's felt hard and stressful so far. More than once I've wanted to get back under the covers and try again another day. It's been tough. 

So what do you do when things feel that way? Do you chuck it all and let the circumstances win? 

It's probably in your nature, just like it's in mine, NOT to do that. You probably have this annoying urge to try again even when you don't feel like it and think you don't want to. 

But just because it's your inclination to keep moving forward, it doesn't mean at all that it feels good or that it's easy. It can be downright exhausting. Over the years, I've figured out some ways to make it a little bit easier. and here's what I've been doing this week to do that: 

1. Maybe you know that I'm actively trying to get pregnant. So you can probably imagine how disappointing it is when my cycle shows up again. It's very easy for me to get down about that and stop doing the things I've been doing to get my body in the best shape and my mind in the right place. What's been working is baby steps. What I mean is that in the days of my cycle, I don't ask myself for much. I let it be enough that I've done a few of the things that I know are important. Maybe that's taking my prenatal vitamin. Maybe that's eating breakfast. In a few more days, that list will grow back to everything that is important and it won't feel like I'm pulling my own teeth to get it done. But for now, just one thing, one small thing is enough. 

2. You probably know that teaching wellness and holistic beauty isn't my only job. I have 2 other businesses, my makeup line MOVE and my dance school LSLD. Having one business alone is a lot of work, but running 3 and hoping to have success with each is sometimes a difficult task. There's always something more to do - something else on the must-do list. How do I manage? I give each business it's day and I try to stick to that. Keeping organized in my mind is literally a life saver. I know I would be a basket case if I tried to do everything everyday. Having the serenity of knowing "today's not the day for that" is seriously peace giving. 

I can't take credit for figuring this out. A wonderful biz coach mentor of mine, Carmen Tseng is who set me on this path. She gets multi-passionate people like myself and she helped me see the wisdom in NOT trying to do it all, all at once. 

3. The third thing I've been doing is getting serious about my gratitude. You have probably heard me talk about gratitude a lot. You might remember me mentioning a gratitude list and how beautiful of a practice writing one out every day is. The thing is, you have to do it. And you have to do it even when you don't feel like and even when you feel like you have no time at all for it. I'm the kind of person that is always thinking about the things I'm grateful for and it's easy to think that's enough. It's not though. It's not enough when you are met with funky days when everything seems to just be blowing up in your face. Days like that require an ACTIVE practice of gratitude. An ACTIVE practice of gratitude is taking even 5 minutes to sit down, take a deep breathe, and write and feel. I really think the feeling is the most important part of this. And the writing allows space for the feeling to appear.

Now yes, I'll admit - you'll do all these things - and you probably won't see things change drastically. You probably will have some more absolutely jacked up days. It'll be hard sometimes to remember what exactly you are grateful for. BUT, believe me the energy is moving. The Universe is hearing you and the Universe is bringing your focus back to you. It really is a universal law that you can see played out all over life in a bazillion different ways. 

And the more important thing is that in the moment, you'll feel like you can get to the next moment. And the next. And the next. 

That's what I want for you and that's what I want for myself. In the next moment, everything could change and it's absolutely true that in the next moment, everything does change. But getting there is the key ;-).

A little help to get there: 

Grapefruit essential oil is beautifully uplifting and it's generally pretty inexpensive. Pick up a bottle at your local health food store and use in these ways:

• If you have a locket, take a little bit of tissue or a small bit of cotton and put it inside of the locket. Drop about 2-3 drops on the cotton/tissue and you'll have your own booster for when you need it. 
• In a 2 oz spray bottle, put about 10 drops to 2oz of water and spray around your home for an uplifting boost. You can spray your linen with this also.
• If you have a wax warmer, after the scent has left the old wax, add about 10 drops to it and you'll have your home smelling of grapefruit fairly quickly. 

Breaking Down to Break Through...

So I've been contemplating what I wanted to focus on this month in terms of themes. I think themes really help to keep things cohesive and they help us to learn and integrate information so much better. When our mind has something to tether it to, it seems to stick. 

So in my search for what theme to go with this month, I thought about the new moon that just came through our sky yesterday and all of its astrological implications and I thought about my own astrological guidance this month and that's all brought me to the theme of Breaking down to Break Through. 

April is that kind of month in general right? Things are in blossom mode all around us. They are "breaking through". And if you focus on nature for instance, The whole season of Winter was a breakdown and in order to jump start activity and motion in April, there has to be an intentional break through. Breaking through the ground. Breaking through the surface. Breaking through the barriers to the light on the other side. 

So let's talk about that. Let's think about it in terms of our goal setting first. Most of us went about setting goals at the beginning of the year. If you've been following along with me since the beginning of the blog, you know that I walked us through this process with the #7daysforme Challenge and set some intentions for myself as well. 

Well now my dear friends, it's time to break through with those! We're here at April.

The time is now! If you've been holding back, take the reins and drive it forward!!! 

Check in with yourself. What haven't you done yet? What plans are you sitting on that are just waiting for some action? Let's talk about the DOING and no more of the PLANNING. Take whatever step you are at now and GO. GO. GO. You'll always have time to refine, to make it better, to regroup. But you'll never get to *that* point if you don't get past *this* point. Trust me, I have ample personal life examples to prove that to you and I'm sure you've got a good handful in your own life as well ;-). 

And I'm not just preaching - I'm taking my own advice too. For instance, I've been sitting on this program I'm creating for way too long. I've been fussing over the information page and worrying about the order of the content and so on and so forth. All just stalemates keeping me from DOING. And that's just one of the projects I've been sitting on. 

Trust me, in these next few weeks, I'm taking action. And you are going to see it in my results :D. Be on the lookout for the skincare program I've been working on FINALLY being ready for you. My next plan is the skincare for dancers ebook FINALLY being available. And my very own line of herbal teas. Yes my friends it's time. What is it time for in YOUR life?

HERBAL ALLY for This Time of HIGH FOCUS

One of my favorite herbs for focus is Peppermint. This herb is absolutely wonderful for so many things and so you are going to hear me talk about it a lot :-). Here's why you need to make a bunch of cups this month ;-).

Peppermint Tea

• helps clear the mind and ease tension
• soothes indigestion and stomach complaints so those won't hold you back
• increases focus and concentration
• relaxes yet stimulates - perfect combo ;-).

Can you explain the hold Beyonce has on the world?

By I_Am..._Tour_11.jpg: idrewukderivative work: Lucas Secret - This file was derived from:  I Am... Tour 11.jpg, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20657330

Hey lovely ones :). Hope it's been a blessed week so far. So I'm sure you've seen all of the buzz around Beyonce' over these past few days right? How could you miss it? Everyone in the world, literally, is in love with her all over again - doe-eyed and mouth gaping in awe of her awesomeness! I'm not hating, I'm just stating :-D. 

What *is it* about this lady?? I have to admit, I'm not really a Beyonce' fanatic. I do appreciate a lot of her songs and they do get my "rah rah" going when I need to be pumped up. They make me want to pop my head back, signify and silently but fiercely walk off the set, lol. (mind you, there is no set :-P).  

And when I saw the video for FORMATION, her newest song, I have to admit again, it sold me. I promptly messaged my sister (who is a little force to be reckoned with herself) and reminded her that just like Beyonce' works hard, see what's she wants and grinds til she gets it (paraphrasing from the song), she can do that same thing. And be just as fierce in the process.

But what is it about Beyonce's fierceness that is so compelling, so attractive. I had to really think about this, because again, I'm not a Beyonce' fanatic. I even kind of roll my eyes and think "seriously??" when I see Beyonce' addicts singing her praises as though she is the second coming...seriously, they do :-P. 

But then it hit me, I think the reason is because she embodies the epitome of self love and even self care.  Stay with me here...

How so?

Let's think about self-love...

She is unapologetically herself. Her image says I AM the boss chick. I GET to make the decisions. I am SO worthy and shame on you if you don't see that.  She talks in almost every song about how awesome she is and not just because of some one dimensional reason, but because she chooses to be. She's done the work to own it and she's given herself PERMISSION to be bad ass period. And she has no problem nurturing and indulging herself in her bad ass-ness. She has no problem claiming her awesomeness and whatever she thinks should come with that. What's more, she has no problem (her image persona at least) with what any other person thinks about it. 

And self care?

Every video you see, Beyonce' is encased in beauty, surrounded by luxury and extravagance. From her outfits to her choice of sets, you always get the sense that she is a queen and that as a queen, she will always demand the best for herself and demand it in whatever form she deems relevant and worthy at the time. That is serious self-care. 

I mean you just can't deny these facts right? 

I think THIS is the reason that so many are in awe of her. Her image touches a core in all of us, that place that knows the secret that we deserve the absolute best. That we deserve a Beyonce' Class life too. 

I think that many live vicariously through her, even subconsciously, because they are afraid to live the way Beyonce' lives - claiming your worth anywhere and everywhere for everyone to see ;-).  Instead, it's much easier to dream and fantasize about someone else's life that you idolize in the process. 

It's so good to see this right? We here are the ones that want our own Beyonce' class life or as one of my mentor's says "our own First Class Life"!  It's good to notice what it is in another that we appreciate and then look for that same thing in ourselves (and create it if it's not there ;-)). 

So, as for me, I'm grateful for Beyonce' and I can finally feel ok with that lol. She gets me fired up and reminds me that I have my own First Class, World Class life to get to living.  If I were you, I'd let her be that for me too ;-). 

#7daysforme Challenge Day 4,5 and 6

Hello Dears!

Instead of posting for each day of these last 3 days, I decided post all 3 of them together, since they all were about writing out how your word applies to different aspects of your life. Here go my thoughts...

Day 4 - How does your word relate to your home life? 

For me when I think of having courage for my home life, I not only think about courage to be the type of person that creates a comfortable, loving home – I’m also thinking about the tangibles too. What is it going to take to have the dream home? What is it going to take to decorate the way I want and purchase the furniture and accessories I want to create a home that feels good and comfy and right? The next step is deciding that I will have the COURAGE to take on whatever it takes. I choose to be the kind of person that dreams big and takes action - and though I may not always make my mark, my big dreams and the COURAGE to do what it takes to reach them are what will get me closer than anything else.

So what about you? What are your insights regarding your Word for the Year and your Home life?

Day 5 - How does your word related to your work life?

This one is super easy for me :-). I can even lay out specific examples of courageous acts I’m going to take!

I do believe that this aspect is what prompted this word for my year. I know that there are opportunities that I could have created for myself that I didn’t because of fear. Simple fears like being afraid to make a phone call or being afraid to send an email have held me back from potential yeses.

And the real fear is a fear of rejection, the fear of a no.

Somehow in my mind, I translate that NO into “No way, you worthless person. Hahaha, silly you – how did you ever think I’d say yes to you.”

Now think a minute…doesn’t that sound like something straight out of a pre-teen chapter book. When you say it out loud it sounds pretty silly and unbelievable. And that’s why Courage is my word.

I don’t want to be ruled by pre-teen drama lol, especially the kind that I create all on my own in my own little subconscious fantasy world. Instead, I’m planning to step into the real world of real life adults that are just as kind, interested (or even busy and uninterested) that I am J. And even if there aren’t kind – how many times has the pre-teen drama ended up showing that the mean teen really had her own issues to begin with and all that meanness had nothing to do with anyone else, least alone the person she was shunning. Something to think about right? :-).

Day 6 - How does your word relate to your personal self - care? 

Applying my word to my self-care is another easy one. Again this is all about the mental dramas that subconsciously get set up in our minds. For me, it’s the mental drama that says “oh Leah, you don’t have the time to do that. Silliness like “you don’t have the time to take a relaxing bath” or “you don’t have the time to make this new mask and try it out for yourself. You don’t have the time to plan a vacation let alone the money.”

I create all these little stories to keep myself from spending time with me and prioritizing me.

This year is already set up to be different. I am going to have the courage this year to say NOTHING bad is going to happen if I spend 30 minutes in a relaxing bath. The theoretical roof won’t fall in on my business and my big dreams if I actually plan a vacation. I don’t have to think that I have to be working every second of every day to actually be something. I have the courage to believe that smart work and less work are ok, better even. I have the COURAGE to take a break. I have the COURAGE to plan a vacation and believe that the energy, finances, and free time will manifest. That takes true courage and that is what I am intending for this year! 

So how about you?? How is your word going to impact your Home life, your Work life, and your Personal Self-Care life? Let me know in the comments!  

Tomorrow is the last day of our Challenge - it is the day that you write out your mission statement/personal promise to yourself regarding your word for the year. Spend some time tomorrow and do this for yourself!

Keep Peeling the Layers Back

I want to tell you all a story, not to stir up sympathy for me, but to instead stir up inspiration and self-confidence for you. I’ll admit, that sharing this story is a challenge that I don’t know that I would have taken had it not been for someone prompting me to be less afraid and more vulnerable. It’s just beautiful how it fits right in with my word for the year COURAGE.

So here it goes :-).

Some of you may know that I lived in North Carolina for a year or so about 8 years ago. I can probably count that as one of the worst years of my life. Hands down :-). In that year, I had so many loses, particularly at a time where I couldn’t really afford loses, mentally or literally.

I moved there to pursue my dance dreams of performing with a partner and finally making a distinguishable name for myself as a separate entity from my dance team. I’d tried to pursue these dreams in my hometown of Chicago but never quite achieved what I wanted. I felt like moving was the only option I hadn’t tried.

I did my best to make the decision of where to move in the smartest way. I looked for a job first and when I found one, I thought everything would run smoothly from there.

Wow was I wrong. The downhill spiral started with the job. I was an esthetician at the time and what I thought was going to be a steady hourly rate of pay, turned out to be fully commission based. Imagine sitting at the spa for 7 hours in the hopes that you get some walk-ins. The only guaranteed money you see is a 30% split from the one booked client of the day and that’s if she/he doesn’t cancel. And with most days like this, it was tough to say the least.

At the same time, the dance dreams that I moved there for were quickly falling apart. I realized that I didn’t really know my new partner and we inevitably did not end up getting along well enough for the partnership to last. Then I found myself in the middle of a long-standing feud between two other teams, eagerly wanting to dance with someone, but not really gung-ho about joining a team again anyway. On top of that fact, I had friends in both courts, so choosing was that much more difficult.

And all this time, I was STRUGGLING to make ends meet and often falling way way way short. For instance, for months I didn’t have a reliable car in an area where you absolutely have to have a car and then I lost my license because of a friend, a ticket, and my own fear-based inactivity. Too many months went by where I couldn’t pay my $200 rent, let alone buy food. I spent many a Wednesday at the local food shelter gathering groceries for the week.

And there were tons of things that looked like they would work out and then just dramatically didn’t. For example, I was almost a regional rep for Eminence, my absolute favorite skincare line at the time. I spent a weekend shadowing the PRESIDENT of the COMPANY and do you know what he told my recruiter afterwards – that he didn’t believe that I actually had a chemical engineering degree – that he was sure I was lying. Maybe he doubted that a black girl could have a Chem E degree. Or maybe it was because I was too shy and too quiet to make the kind of impact he expected. Who really knows. All I know is that it was one more thing that didn’t happen.

North Carolina was a string of disappointments and setbacks. I lost so much in that year and a half and hit absolute rock bottom to the point that I didn’t feel like trying anymore. And I could have given up then but I chose not to. All the dreams that are coming true now though, I had back then. I just had a lot of things to work through to stop blocking those dreams and those blessings from coming through. If I had given up in that time when everything seemed impossible, I wouldn’t be here today, figuratively or literally.

What I’ve come to realize is that all of that struggle was necessary for the walls of my resistance to my blessings to be broken down. You never know how many layers there are for you to work through to ‘get out of your own way’. The thing to do is to keep working. Keep peeling off layers. Keep rooting for yourself, even if no one else is and even if you can only muster a small rah rah. My life is testimony to the fact that you can be buried in resistance and you can absolutely peel your way to freedom. I’m getting closer and closer and everyday (just like I know you are too) I’m getting to somewhere better. 

:).