How I Found Out I was an Empathic Snob...

Photographer: John Canelis | Source: UnsplashPhotographer: John Canelis | Source: Unsplash

I was intrigued by my default responses. This post was clearly triggering me - but why? Why did I care so much that someone was tooting their own horn? Why did it matter to me one bit at all that through tooting his own horn, he'd received hundreds of messages affirming his "awesomeness" and hundreds more brownie points in the form of the desperately sought after "likes" confirming that?

Why on this beautiful earth did I care? And even more importantly, why did it sting so much for a dear friend to then call me out as an intellectual snob when I mentioned my affliction to him?

These were my ponderings on a slow Sunday when all the world felt a little too melancholy and grey for my liking. This is when I got all the way into feeling like I am not for this world and all the way back to, I am exactly for this world.

Let me explain.

It all has to do with this word empath and my new revelations on how I have been living a mostly shielded life instead of the fully empowered life that I thought I was living. I thought that I had done such a good job of crafting my life. My outside triggers were few and far in between. I mostly had people around me that supported me and looked at life similarly to me. I didn't interact on a regular base with people that upset me.

I thought this was good. I thought this was cause to pat myself on the back. I thought living inside of my bubble was a positive thing to be celebrated.

But what I've been realizing over these past few weeks is that in fact, maybe this is NOT a good thing anymore. What I've been slowly seeing is that where it was good back then, when I needed shielding and a safe place, now there is good reason to change and diversify my exposure and experiences.

What I've been realizing is that I've not been allowing myself to really go there with people, to really let myself completely feel, connect and understand them individually and intimately for fear (subconscious mind you) that I'll get lost there - that I'll get lost in all that it means to be them.

Right now, I control my exposure to pain very well. My own pain is more than enough lol. Allowing myself to be openly exposed to other people's pain brings on the fear of not being able to control it - not being able to shut the gates and stop the flow.

And so what do you subconsciously do as an empath? - you shut it completely down and you begin creating this false sense of disconnect/superiority/intellectual distance.

It's protection and fear and it's very subtle. This isn't your blunt - "I don't like you, I like you" deal. This is much more nuanced and whispery. It's a silent forcefield that once protected you and now just isolates you. It feels very safe, but it also keeps you from really connecting. And you have to wonder if, as an empath, at some point, it keeps you from really doing the work you're here to do.

So this is my current challenge. I'm actively exploring ways to engage more fully with the world and practice NOT being overwhelmed by the world. And by "the world" I mean with individual people of the world - engaging with them genuinely without deflective INFJ, empathic barrier shields up or self-deprecating tactics in play. Finding the ways to "feel them" without getting lost "within them".

I've had many years of strengthening my own boundaries and learning how to let energy and feelings flow through me, especially those that aren't mine. I feel like I'm strong enough to put it into better practice. So we shall see.

And what about you? How are you doing on this front? I know that many of you struggle with your own version of this type of empathic barrier. Maybe you are on the side of not having enough of a barrier. Or perhaps you too have been way too rigid with yourself and the world as of late.

It's good food for thought and there is a lot of gold to be found within it. I encourage you to explore and if you like, we can explore it together in an intuitive tarot reading. I'm offering these again and I'd love to read for you!

You can purchase a reading here: Empowerment Readings

What's Right for YOU?

Photographer: Glenn Carstens-Peters | Source: Unsplash

Boom, we’re all of a sudden at the Virgo New Moon - a day past it in fact. And I’m doing my best to really tap into the energy and feel into (and figure out) what my next steps in life look like. As per always, my life is filled with potential change and potential paths. That’s why a Virgo moon is really a great gift for a multi-passionate person. It helps immensely with clarity on what path, out of the thousands available, is the best one for you right now.

What my intuition, readings and personal knowledge say about this one though, is that it’s not just about what makes the best sense, it’s also about what feels the best. After all, our feelings are really the barometer of what is actually *right* for us.

That’s one thing that I have difficulty with however because it all feels right. It all feels like THIS, THIS is what I should be doing. But when I go deeper, I begin to see just how much of what I THINK feels right, is really just residuals of what OTHER people think feels right, what I THINK other people think is right and even what I think will make other people feel that *I* am right.

Let me explain with real-life examples. This weekend two things have come up as triggers for me about what I should be doing with my life. They both are things that in the past, caused me to fall into doubting myself and questioning my path and asking yet again, why can’t I just be normal.

(The beauty is that I’m catching myself faster and I’m asking more insightful curious questions. AND I’m moving forward with what I feel good about anyway.)

The Houston BIG Salsa Festival.

The Houston BIG Salsa Festival is this weekend. I’ve been seeing posts about it from salsa friends and acquaintances and it’s been picking at old wounds and begging me to *go there* - into the space of wondering why that never happened for me. Or if I want that to still happen for me. And what that even looks like in real life. And even why I THINK that never happened for me when in fact it did, just not quite how I envisioned.

Seeing another mental health advocate receive praise.

There’s a website that I admire that regularly features articles about mental health advocacy, specifically from and about women of color. Yet they’ve never featured anything of mine, though I’ve submitted things for their consideration, have tagged them on things and even spoke with the founder over the phone and connected really well. Today I saw that they posted something else and I spiraled down the comparison well. I fell into the space of asking myself why *I’d* never been featured, why *I* couldn’t be more consistent with my work as a mental health advocate and why I couldn’t just focus on one thing.

And all of this introspection makes perfect sense for Virgo season, especially because I’ve been diligently working on understanding what my business is really about, how I want it to grow and what I want it to look like in the future.

One thing that I have to continue to remind myself of and make peace with is that I’m doing things a different way. I’m just a different person. I have different ideas and different ways of thinking. And this is RIGHT. This is the way it’s supposed to be. I am a paradigm shifter. I am a changemaker. I am a catalyst creator. It’s what I’ve always been and what I probably always will be. I’ll always have different ideas. I’ll always see things in a different way. I’ll always want to combine things and create synchroncities where they may not have actually existed before. I’ll always want to do things in a slightly different, very me-esque way.

That’s just me. And the sooner and more often that I make that right in my OWN mind, the more quickly and consistently everyone else will believe it’s right too. It’s on ME. NOT on them.

And one of the really interesting things I’ve found in my life is that this statement that it’s on me and not on them is more true than most realize.

Most of the time, YOU are the one standing in your way. You probably have tons of cheerleaders around you, trying to convince you of your awesomeness, reminding you of your innate power and birthrights and telling you that you can do it. It’s YOU that is still standing on the edge of the pool, barely dipping a toe in.

So in this season of Virgo, especially over this next week, see what comes up for you about what is really YOU. Yes, there are a bazillion things you could do because you are in fact that awesome. But you owe it to yourself to NOT to try to do them all. At least not all in the same span of seconds :). You owe it to yourself to make YOU just as important as all the things you could do.

This is what I’m working on. This is what is going to help me streamline MY life and say to myself - “that’s ok Leah” when HardAss Leah shows up to point out that I could have been an internationally famous salsa dancer or I could have been a nationally known mental health advocate - if only I’d done more.

I”m not about doing more. I’m about doing what I want, what makes my heart sing. What makes me ultimately just a little bit happier.

If you are about figuring this out for yourself too, I’ve created some journal prompts that can be helpful.

6 Traits of a Woman Ready to Stand in Her Own Power

How do you know when you are ready - ready to stand up for yourself and actually claim that you are powerful and worthy?

I think that if you find yourself even contemplating this question, it’s time to do something about it.

But just in case you aren’t really sure, here are 6 traits that I know for sure signify that it’s time to re-evaluate how you are moving in the world.

1.  You find yourself feeling fed up and on edge.

Are you just tired? Do you feel like you can’t take one more thing. Is everything annoying and close to pissing you off? The eggshells thing - has anyone mentioned that they are walking on them around you? This is a clear indication that you need some change.

2.  You begin to feel like not rocking the boat at the expense of hurting yourself just isn’t acceptable anymore.

Some things need to be said. Some things need to change and some things need to end. Compromising to the point of pain is no longer an option.

3. You can suddenly see through all of the bs.

You are just over it. Done. The veiled lies and the rose colored glasses aren’t for you anymore. You aren’t interested in perpetuating the bs any longer.

4. You begin to notice how unhappy people are and wonder how they are really doing and how much they are faking it.

Because you can see the bs so well now, you can also see the pain all around you. You can see people caging themselves into their shoulds, faking happiness and interest. It’s almost sickening as it becomes more and more evident and unignorable. It makes you wonder how you look to the world too. Do you look that sad, stressed and fake?

5. You refuse to fake it anymore.

Whatever it is, that’s what it is. You refuse to act like something is that isn’t. You refuse to pretend that you’re feeling a way that you're not and  you refuse to make nice about things. You want real healing, true change and an actual different way of living. Not just band-aids and fake smiles.

6. You have this sense that there is more to you and more to life than what you can currently see.

That’s your true self calling to you. That feeling right there is probably the most important key. You know that this fakery, run run run, over-extending and over-bending yourself for whoever shows up needing it is not your sole purpose in life. In fact, you are clear on the fact that, at the least, that way has to change. You just can’t keep it up. And you are so very ready for the more. For the thing that makes this life thing a joy instead of a chore.

If these resonate with you, then it’s time. You are ready for the levelup. You are ready to feel so much better and from the core to the outside. The desperation and/or frustration you may be feeling is only temporary. It’s just showing you where things need to change. The most important thing to know is that you are ready to step into and stand firmly in your own power. That is cause for celebration <3.

I invite you to grab my overview of Why Being a Go-Getter is Getting You Nowhere and what to do instead. Just click here to download it. In it, you’ll see even more clearly why it’s time for a new way and get some concrete steps forward to start paving it.

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Full Moon Eclipse Fall Out

So this full moon held the promise of major change. Doors closing and doors opening. Well, I can attest to it. I've had the endings and now I'm looking forward to the beginnings :-). I'm no master astrologer, but what I do know is that there is opportunity in everything and I talked about that today on Instagram. I gave a reading for what this Full Moon is giving us the opportunity to release. (You can view in my stories for the next 20 hours or so www.instagram.com/goddesslifestlyecoaching)

Even now, I'm having ahas about it. The basic premise is that there is something (or multiple somethings like it is for me) that we've been working so hard on, doing what was necessary at the time to bring about the manifestation. And now we are getting tired. Well we were getting tired. It was beginning to wear us down, to not feel worth it. And we felt so guilty for feeling like that. We felt like maybe we should be more patient, more understanding, more diligent, more persevering. But in truth the time has passed for that. The time has come instead to move into a higher level of understanding and to release it back to the Universe. And to get back to flying light ourselves :-). And the way the Universe works, you can happily give it up or the Universe can rip it from your hands while you grasp at it like an upset toddler. 

It was fairly profound :-). There are some things that I'm sure I'll find the way to share with you soon about changes in my life. What's most important now though is that you know that you can fight it or you can roll with it, excitedly waiting for the next chapter.

I'm with the excitement all the way :-). 

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Healing old daddy issues...

Still smiling because perspective is everything!

It has been one heck of a week. On Tuesday, I put a big pause on a relationship that I thought was going somewhere. And that opened the floodgate of all of my old fears and doubts. I could feel the creep in of “omg Leah, really? Another fizzle? AGAIN? What is the deal?” The “why are you trying” track started vying for airtime. The “look at how everything *isn’t* where you want it to be” track started getting louder. And the ever so popular of the last 5 years “You are getting old Leah. You are 41 (this year). And you still think kids and marriage are in your future? Really?” track began beating a dull drum in my head as well. Not to mention the standard “where is the money honey?? Where is the wild success chica?? When are you going to have something to write home about for real girl??” symphony.

By now though, I know not to put a lot of attention on those thoughts. I can’t always stop them but I can at least acknowledge that this is just my old stuff being really loud and annoying at the moment. I can acknowledge that it feels draining and that I need a rest from life as scheduled and in that same moment also still ask the Universe for some deliverance, a change and shift in my perspective plus my sunshine mojo back.  

And I really have to give the Universe all the credit that it is due. God/Goddess really carried me this week. Like I said, I was drained and so my ability to be intentional, at least purposefully, was really low. But I did have enough energy to ask for guidance and to pay attention to signs.

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One sign led me to reach out in two of my online groups about two different exercises I hadn’t had a chance to complete from previous courses. One was a money mindset exercise and the other was a psychic development exercise. I randomly had the impulse to reach out and whichever morning it was, I did and promptly found two partners.

Another sign led me to reach out to another intuitive friend of mine for some support and I have to admit, I actually got really bratty and ‘omg not this again’ with her lol. But again, the Universe was directing every step, because had I not gotten bratty and whiny, I don’t think we would have gotten to the tiny kink that was messing with my flow. She saw that my kink, the hidden snag that has been tripping me up for so long (think short-lived relationship time and time again, think promising success and then disappointing stagnation, think really great highs and really horrific lows DESPITE incredible amounts of effort) had to do with unresolved stepdad issues.

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I was not happy to hear this to say the least, mostly because I could have sworn that I have been working through deciphering those issues for at least the last decade. I know there is always more stuff to uncover, forgive, work through, but I really thought I had been diligent about that work and not ignoring guidance. Nonetheless though, I said I would sit with it and journal it out.

And in my journaling I did discover some hidden truths. I realized that I was still carrying around that thought that there is a prerequisite to being worthy. Like you have to prove it first and then be treated as such. And that once you get that approval going, you better work hard to keep it. And you better not get comfortable feeling like you deserve all the accolades that come with worthiness because you could be proven unworthy at any moment. And you probably would be.

As silly as it sounds on both ends, I really didn’t know I was still carrying that. I really thought that I had dealt with the need for validation. But even as I type that, I’m realizing that this and validation are slightly different. This feels more like the King on the Throne bestowing upon you value and then deciding to taketh it away at a whim if you disappoint him. Or even just arbitrarily once you begin to bore him. Validation is more like needing your fellow servant boyfriend to keep telling you that you are awesome.

So yes, I still had that sticky fly paper stopping my progress. And I made a significant but real shift with that realization. If manifested in me feeling all of a sudden free of needing to care about said significant other’s emotions or reasons for this or that. All of a sudden, I realized that it was his job (or the next significant other’s job) to make me care, not my job to just dole out care because I'm an empath and I get what’s going on. That’s major.

But there was still something. And the Universe still carried me right through to it. This part of the journey involved connecting with my partner for the psychic development work. We were to do intuitive readings for each other, with no assistance from any tools. So for me, that meant no tarot cards.

I’ll admit that no tarot cards is challenging, not because I’m a blank without them, but because they are like a warm security blanket. If I feel unsure in my own intuition, my cards are there to back me up. But it’s a challenge that I’ve been feeling very drawn to since at least the beginning of the year. So when this mini-course showed up, it was perfect affirmation.

So when my partner and I connected, I gave her reading first, which was very affirming and eye-opening for me in understanding how my gifts work - definitely a topic I will share about on another day. But what’s relevant for today is what her reading revealed for me.

It uncovered the very last strand of the kink - the issue of feeling abandoned by my biological father.

This Affected Me because I realized that I had never really dealt with this head on. I hadn’t made the connection at all really that this was something that could be affecting my adult relationships. Realizing my stepfather’s effect was easy. But somehow, I never noticed that never knowing my biological father and no one ever talking about him or really addressing the fact that I’ve never even met him would create some unresolved issues. And my goodness. Talk about the worthiness thing. Not even worthy enough to stick around for and save from growing up with my stepfather.

Nina, my practice partner, is a wonderful healer by the way and how she took me through the steps to clean up all of the gunk that came with my father issues was magical, simple and beyond effective.

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And that next morning, things shifted majorly. Ground-breakingly. That whole week, I had to remind myself that I was excited to get out of bed and do what I get to do all day. Throughout the day, I had to remind myself that THINGS ARE BETTER. WAY BETTER. My inner dialogue repeatedly fell back to “See? Look at this Leah, and do you see this? Things are so much better and getting better all the time!”

And then, like a fog dissipating out of the blue, I felt my power again. I can even say that I felt *new* power. Like what an angel must feel like spreading its wings for the first time (if there ever is a first time for an angel). Lighter, bouyant, freer, clearer, more me than I’ve ever let myself experience before. Straight up magickal.

And so here I am, welcoming this new expansion and curiously awaiting it’s evidence to continue manifesting. The only thing that I know about how it will unfold is that I will endeavor to pay attention so as not to miss my signs. The beautiful thing about signs though is that the Universe will continue sending them until you notice them and act. I’m a firm believer in that. There really are no messups.

We really are just all in the lane of evolving - at whatever pace is right for us right then.

Take Your Life Back: Getting On Track In Recovery

I was recently contacted by the creator of Addiction Hub, Adam Cook about the possibility of guest posting here, and since I've never had a guest author, I was intrigued. After taking a look at his website, I feel the content and his message are very powerful and relevant and so I've agreed to it :-).

In this article, Adam talks about steps to taking your life back after shaking an addiction. I hope it serves you or someone you love well <3.  

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GUEST BLOG POST by: Adam Cook of Addiction Hub

Congratulations! You’ve shaken your addiction, and that’s a really impressive step. It’s been a long process, and you’ve detoxed and learned new methods of dealing with your issues. However, recovery doesn’t stop there -- it’s really only just beginning. You need to rebuild your life and set it on a course for a healthy, sober new way of living. Here are some helpful hints to help you get back on track.

Rebuild Your Health

Addiction is notorious for ruining lives. While you were in its throes, you were neglecting yourself and your health. You have to start over and rebuild body and mind to give yourself the best start on your new life. A healthy diet and exercise regimen is a good start along that journey. As you feed yourself properly, you’ll nourish your body and brain, giving it what it needs to heal itself with healthy fruits and vegetables, healthy fats, and lean proteins. Avoid reliance on caffeine and sugar; these create irregular energy levels and unpleasant mood swings that make cravings worse and relapse more likely. A good exercise regimen will help rebuild your muscles and bones, but it will also help you to deal with stress. Exercise releases endorphins, which act as natural antidepressants and pain relievers, helping to stabilize and uplift your mood and give you optimism. It can even help rewire the brain and return it to its pre-addiction state.

Get Help When You Need It

Part of any successful recovery is social and emotional support and the love of family and friends. Good aftercare programs, such as a 12-step program, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous, can reinforce your commitment to sobriety and help you to make contact with resources in the community. You may be required to enroll in such a program to continue receiving maintenance medications or social services. Good aftercare and support can enable you to withstand those temptations and help you make good choices in your life.

Love Yourself

A good self-care regimen helps you re-learn how to prioritize your own needs. Besides diet and exercise, you need to learn how to rest and relax. Give yourself eight hours a night to sleep so you can greet each day with rejuvenated energy and enthusiasm. Take up a relaxing hobby to help you unwind. Enroll in a yoga class and practice mindfulness meditation. Studies show that getting enough rest and engaging in relaxation techniques and hobbies help you stay sober and help you avoid sinking into a depression.

Give of Yourself

You’ve been through an ordeal, and you’ve learned a lot. Consider giving back to the community by donating your time to talk to others who are going through the same experiences. Be a role model for the successful recovery journey and share your life experiences and your wisdom. Inspiring others can reaffirm your decision to get healthy and help you to stay focused on improving your life and the lives of those around you. The simple act of volunteering your time will improve your chances of staying sober by making you feel useful, productive, and helpful. It will rebuild your self-worth and self-esteem.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has challenges to overcome and problems in their everyday lives. You’ve been through the wringer, but you’ve come out the other side and you’re smarter, stronger, and healthier than you’ve been in a long time. While you can’t undo your past, you can make up for it by committing to living a better life. You can share your knowledge and your experience with others and help them to overcome their own demons. You can be an example that it does get better. All you have to do is keep working each day to live a better life. You’re writing your own story, and you have the power to give yourself a happy ending.

A Love Letter to You

This is my love letter to you.

Because I see you.

You, who is running through your life as fast and as efficient as you can. As perfect as you can.

You, who really believes that it’s just one more positive thought, one more self-improvement technique, one more strategy, one more something that will get you there.

You, who secretly thinks it’s your fault. Who thinks there’s no other choice but to strive. There’s no other way but to push. There’s no other option but to make it happen. That anything else is you dropping the ball, not reaching the finish line, sabotaging your own chance at what everyone else seems to have.

Just. Stop.

I see the struggle behind your eyes. I see your facade of strength. I see you screaming out in silence for just a tiny, small break. Just stop.

I know it’s scary. I know you can’t fathom what that even looks like. Sounds like. *IS* like.

I know stopping feels like it could be worse than dying. Feels like you’d be failing in the most pitiful, finite way. A way that proves that all of those hidden fears you try to bury are true.

I know it feels like the hardest thing you could ever do. And it is. Because so much freedom is on the other side. So much of who you really are is on that other side. So much possibility, so much joy, so much of the elusive *happiness*. It’s there on the other side.

And I know that it is hard and scary to consider that there could be any other way. But don’t you also feel that little sliver of light and hope that there *could* possibly be another way?

I have a hard truth for you my dear. I know you are waiting for someone to tell you that you can take your break. I know you are waiting for someone to notice that you need one. To notice that you need a hand to hold. To notice that you are cracking under the pressure.

But no one is coming to do that for you. No one is coming to give you that time.

You, my dear, have to take that time. You my dear have to show up for yourself.

I love you. I see you. I will bear witness to your immense courage to be there for you.

To burn the old tired way that has never truly served you. And I will hold your hand and dance on the ashes with you.  <3

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Please join me for this Special Live Stream on Tuesday May 8th at 6:30pm where we will begin exploring what showing up for yourself looks like. Click here to be reminded when the live stream starts. 

Recap of the WINMind Fit Workshop

This past weekend was magickal. I was a guest speaker at the WIN MINDFit Workshop. It's really difficult to explain how healing and beautiful it was. I can say though that I am beyond honored to have been a part of it and I am so grateful to be able to continue to be a part of it. I am so looking forward to the next installment on June 9th. 

My talk was all about your ego and how it really is doing the best it can trying to protect you. Once you have an awareness of that, it's so much easier to have compassion for yourself and to stop yourself from falling into knee-jerk responses of fear, self-loathing and ultimately projection. 

Speaking at #WINMindFit 

The theme of this workshop was finding the WILL to change. The next will focus on sustaining change. If you are curious about joining us, you can find more information at www.winwoman.org/mindfit  

If you know you are ready to make major changes and are in need of support, remember I'm always available to help you create your game plan. Just message me and we can schedule some time to chat.